Defining Domestic Violence

From the article in Psychology Today, "According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, domestic violence is a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner.Physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person may all be part of the dynamics, including any behaviors that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure or wound another individual. "
From this definition, intense family conflict can be categorized as abusive when power and control are parts of the fray.
As another article states so well; "When love has become interwoven with violence, the nature of the family changes." (Read the Full Page: Domestic Violence – The Great Challenge of Violence – Common Types of Counseling  AllAboutCounseling.com ).  Recognizing this pattern and being motivated to change things for a more healthy pattern is a task that many families face, whether everyone in the family is on board with this quest or not.  The question one is faced with is:  am I willing to change?

He says that I do things to make him angry. Am I to blame for his violence?

No. Abusive men often blame other people or situations for their violence. Many say their partners provoke them. The truth is that no one can cause another person to be violent. His violence is never justified. How he behaves is his choice and his responsibility. In fact, you can probably think of times where other people made him angry and he chose not to respond to them with violence or abuse. Click here for more good questions to ask one's self.

More indicators that definite violence has increased in your home is these indicators:  According to Domestic Violence London, ..."Despite what many people believe, domestic abuse is not due to the abuser’s loss of control over his behaviour. Domestic abuse is a deliberate choice made by the abuser.
In the majority of cases the following can be said to be true of his behaviour;

• He is not violent with other people i.e. his boss
• He is able to stop and compose himself if the police arrive or the doorbell rings
• If he uses physical violence he is able to choose where to cause visible injuries - often in places where others can not see them
• He damages the victims possessions but rarely his own"

Children are effected in many direct and indirect ways to intense family conflict and overt violence in the family. I will provide information about this in another post, but research shows that children have more difficulties in school, are emotionally affected in negative ways, and are more prone to mental health issues. This is not going to look the same for each child as each child is experiencing their family's interaction differently according to their perspective, their personal resource and their relationships.  Counseling for children and youth can change these influential perspectives, give them new skills to cope and to make sense of their family's story so far.  Desert Sun Counselling in Oliver provides these services to children, and counselling to women free of charge through the resources of the Children Who Witness Abuse program.

Zero by Katherine Otashi

Zero looks at herself and sees nothing worthy compared to all the numbers.  It takes some great storying to show Zero that she is a hero.
This is a great compliment to One from the same author.  Self esteem, self worth and dignity are all fantastic themes in such simple and entertaining story telling.  I know that schools, children's programs and counsellors have used Zero and One to draw out lessons on these subjects.

One by Katherine Otashi

If you might be looking to address topics like self-esteem, bullies and having a social conscnience, then the book entitled "One" by Katherine Otashi is a perfect library resource.
What color is best, which is worst?  Red seems to think that it is the tops and lets every other color know that Red is the color to be.  When one color stands up to a bullying Red, what will happen?
This resource allows removal from the intimidating and personal facts of a bully in a child's life and brings humor and tenderness to a very real struggle many face.  I have known programs for self-worth, pink shirt-day assemblies and counsellors including myself to read this to students.

Ish by Peter Reynolds

Here is a book which I found interesting and poignant as the theme is around making your "mistakes" into masterpieces to celebrate.  A frustrated doodler is confronted by his sister's admiration of what he thinks are garbage drawings which inspires him.  This book would help children who are anxious about making mistakes, who struggle with perfectionism and what follows: procrastination.  Where this new-found freedom of expression takes him, is exciting and inspirational.   My wife found this at Value Village and I have used it with anxious children.

A Terrible Thing Happened

This blog will help me create a list of books, resources and information for the practice of child and youth counselling.  I am a counsellor in Canada and am practicing in a wonderful non-profit organization called Desert Sun Counselling Centre in British Columbia.

A Terrible Thing Happened by Margaret M. Holmes is a book that I often use in bibliotherapy to address the emotions attached to events which are difficult to talk about.  The story does not specify the event, instead it leaves the "terrible thing" to our imagination.
I appreciate the illustrations and the simple way of explaining the process of counselling to children, and vicariously to parents/care-givers who are helping a child heal from trauma.
The main character is Sherman Smith, a raccoon.  He, like many children and youth, has witnessed a terrible thing, and although he tries to push this terrible thing out of his mind, it plagues his emotions, his body and his brain.  He discovers that art and talking can help alleviate the power of the event.  At the back of the book are some instructions and information for those who support a child in this circumstance.
I recommend this book for a counselling library!  I found this book both online through Abebooks and in a second hand shop in both hard and soft cover.